Supportive Community
At FUTEC you will find a bunch of guys who will happily take the piss out of you and laugh at your misfortune
I knew they were cunts after the first meeting........
About Us
First established in 2011 following the infamous "Birley - Smokey Bacon" hostile takeover, FUTEC is a membership group for mostly unemployed men with the sole objective of building life-long friendships.
We welcome blokes from all walks of life, including left-footers, boxheads and chinless cunts alike.
Networking Opportunities
There are no networking opportunities because 95% of our membership is unemployed
Diversity
FUTEC welcomes all kinds. We have poofters, retards, disabled people and even a couple of South Africans
Painting and Paving
Our specialist painting and paving experts are only too happy to help with your next DIY project
Brotherhood Redefined
At FUTEC we transcend societal norms and embrace diversity. FUTEC is a sanctuary where bonds are forged through common interests and politically incorrect and offensive humour.
Reach out to us and become a part of a brotherhood that celebrates uniqueness.
Testimonials
Discover what our partners and friends have to say about their experience with FUTEC.
Phillip
As a chinless cunt, it has been difficult for me to make friends. For years I have been ridiculed for not having a normal chin and looking like a dickhead. FUTEC has made me feel like a normal person again (but still without a chin).
Erin
I have had the pleasure of cooking for the FUTEC boys on number of occasions now. It is a pity though that Michael does not like mushrooms. Might be a little while before I can host the next dinner, sorry boys!
Dr Ketut Surya
I am the resident orthopaedic surgeon for the FUTEC group, based here in Bali. I used to be a vet but I lost my job for sleeping with one of my patients. I specialise in scooter related injuries and I enjoy champagne.
Frequently Asked Questions
Get answers to your most common questions about FUTEC membership.
What is FUTEC's purpose?
Our primary purpose is to come together regularly and hang shit on past members. Big shout out to finger nails, leather jacket, Belgium chocolates and the orange wiggle.
Who can join FUTEC?
We welcome all men with oversized heads, army veterans, vintage motorcycle enthusiasts, members of the LGBTOTQISLW46$DF community and South Africans.
How can I become a member?
To join FUTEC, simply reach out to Brian Birley on the Salty Semen for membership details and application.
Where is FUTEC located?
FUTEC is located on board the Salty Semen, making it accessible for all members to connect.
FUTEC Events
We hold fortnightly meetings via Zoom, and these usually take place very two weeks (Chris). There are also scheduled dinners three times a year including our inaugural FUTEC Christmas celebrations and Man of the Year Awards.
FUTEC News
Read all about the latest news and updates from the FUTEC boys
FUTEC Dinner 5 September 2025
Great night at the Spread Eagle Hotel in Richmond on Friday. Chris, John and Crazy were early for a change whilst the other boys were a tad late because Barnesy took too long putting his make up on. Great food, conversation and company - thanks boys.
Michael's Arm - update
The saga continues. Michael has shown tremendous courage over the last two years living with his gimp arm and only eating soft foods. Hopefully all of that comes to an end on Thursday 11 September when he goes in for yet another procedure. Good luck mate!
FUTEC MOTY 2025
It's fair to say that the odds on Andrew to win the 2025 MOTY award have shortened again given his outstanding contribution to the group this year. From polo shirts and key rings to rude calendars and websites, he is unbackable at $1.01.